What is a Beard Sumo?
A Beard Sumo is a magnificent specimen of a human being. Most often they start their beard journey in the uterus, coming out with a full lumberjack beard. However, it’s not only their incredible beard that defines them. They have the strength of 4 lumberjacks combined. It is rumored that wrestling bears for fun are not too uncommon among the Beard Sumos.
The first reports of Beard Sumos are dated 1910. It is said that they gathered for meetups to which they walked long distances. They had their cast iron stove loaded on their back together with their spouse. Not even when they stopped to pee did they unload. On the long walks, they usually ate bears which they slew and skinned with the lit of their beard balm can.
In the early 1970’s they slowly started to become a part of society. Although very humble and kind, the regular people weren’t too impressed with the Beard Sumos, at first. People are usually afraid of what they don’t know. However, with time, they grew together and are now living in perfect harmony. It is widely known that Chuck Norris is the first Beard Sumo to become a movie star.
Not only do they possess incredible strength both mentally and physically, but they are also allergic to injustice and would never hurt a fly, if it didn’t hurt them first, obviously. As they say, “with great power, comes great responsibility”.
Even though a wildly countenance they aren’t dangerous, so never hesitate to approach the Beard Sumo should you have the opportunity. They will most likely welcome you into their home for some freshly brewed coffee and a great story!
Do you have a Beard Sumo story to tell? Be sure to get in contact, we might just post it on our blog!
Our own Beard Sumos
As Beard Sumos our founders Nils and Joakim felt responsible to carry the knowledge further. This is why they felt obliged to create the Beard Sumo products. Embarking on a journey to find what makes a man’s hair the strongest, thickest, and fullest in all the land, our fearless founders traveled far and wide. Infact, to this day they still refuse to speak of a few encounters they had along the way.
“All that we can say is that we have tried everything from the urine of an attacking polar bear to tears of a baby seal. We fought ninjas and sumo wrestlers (they were the toughest ones to beat). Joakim, traveled back in time to see how the vikings treated their beards and Nils found Atlantis in order to ask Poseidon what makes his beard flow so gracefully. Through fire, flames, and water, we are now able to provide, what we believe, is the best and most premium beard oil in the world. We even use our products before bed, we swear that the scents help us sleep like babies.”
On a lifelong journey that we like to call “the survival of the fittest beard”, our founders passion for oils, balms, and the state of their facial hair shines through in each product.
Disclaimer - Some of the above mentioned stories may or may not be true! It’s up to you and your facial hair to decide.